25.05.2069

Through the glass windows of the monastery, I saw a breathtaking view. 1000 stairs above sea level did the trick. AT THE TOP, ME. THE KING OF THE WORLD. THE GREAT LEADER. FINALLY IN THE RIGHT PLACE. Well, maybe I'm exaggerating a bit – for now, all I have are robes from Aliexpress and sandals with socks from the local bazaar. Sometimes I might get too carried away. I feel like I should increase my level of integrity with nature and calm down a bit.

The jungle finally became beautiful. I really started to find my way here. IF THEY KICK ME OUT OF COLLEGE, I'LL STAY HERE MAKING A LIVING AS A DEALER. Midnight was approaching. From behind the green hill, towards the top, smoke rose from burning huge flames. Today, the Competition began there, aiming to choose a new Lord. I only heard about this event from Smallus Fallus' stories. OUT OF CURIOSITY, I went to see if it really looks the way he described it.

Before my eyes appeared a huge, sandy mountain covered with, once green, but now probably dried up due to climate change, bushes. It was incredibly hot. Sweat poured down my forehead in liters during the journey. I was looking for water, but the bushes gave a clear signal that there was none here. AND THEN I SPOTTED IT. THANK YOU. The Industrial Revolution and contemporary capitalism ensured vending machines at each of such events. I spent $10 on a bottle of water. WELL, THIS CAPITALISM AND REVOLUTION ARE NICE, HUH? WE LIVE ON THIS PLANET, AND EVEN FOR WATER, YOU HAVE TO PAY CASH, 0.30 CENTS FOR EVERY DAMN SIP. I could have gotten 2 bottles of Gin for that price. At least they have some morality and don't want to screw me over for money.

I rode up in a blue cable car to the very top. It was crowded everywhere. 50 people in probably 4 square meters, without access to open windows and air conditioning. I barely managed to get out, and one of the Legends TRIED TO EXPLAIN what was about to happen. IF I MESSED SOMETHING UP, SORRY, BECAUSE I COULDN'T FOCUS XD.

Basically, there's a volcano at the top of the mountain. When I got out of the cable car, the smell of sulfur was everywhere. I don't know who came up with the brilliant idea to organize an event here. In the background, there were plenty of colorful sponsor tents — mainly Raccoon Corp. and its "pleasant corporate event, aimed at families with children." There was also no shortage of food, although mainly I could find burgers and hot dogs there. Somewhere in the distance, you could see club buses with athletes. They were getting ready for the competition, like cyclists for the Tour de France. They probably aren't aware that nobody has won it yet, but they don't punish for dreams xd. The start was approaching rapidly. Participants lined up at the finish line. Those standing in front were still adjusting their shoelaces in their colorful running shoes with their last reserves of energy. There was a growing sense of stress in the atmosphere. The omnipresent hubbub intensified the feeling of the extraordinariness of this event. More and more onlookers gathered at the starting line, at the very foot of the mountain. The competitors started.

The task for each of them was to pull a huge, 200 kg boulder to the very top. When theoretically they would reach the summit, they should burn a 20-centimeter blunt there and take a sip of special Gin, prepared by us – alchemists, specifically for this event. In addition to producing the finish line, we also come up with something else, and boy, does it work. There are also those who have connections in the royal family and receive a special Aliexpress link by mail to order a replica of this Gin from China. Supposedly, you can save money, but it doesn't work at all.

Each of them gave 101 percent. It reminded me of Dave's words and his story. Everyone strongly believes in themselves, driven by tacky advertising made by the cheapest marketing agency. Raccoon Corp. must have found them on a Discord ticket. Their egos are also strong. They took it seriously. At the start, they started pushing each other so much that a big pile-up occurred. NOBODY STARTED, because the boulders blocked the starting line XDD. They all probably got knocked out at the start. It was supposed to be a corporate party, and indeed — They're probably having fun in the hospital now.

I returned to the monastery slightly singed and well-drunk. The burger definitely didn't go down today. Maybe next year we'll meet a new legendary, and I'll soon discover the power of my guts.