15.05.2069

I went to work as usual in the morning. While one could live dreaming, someone has to work so that someone else can lie on Bali. Today, as usual - fishing near the portal leading to Bear Land. A bit riskier than usual, but maybe I'll get an extra for working in difficult conditions. I set sail. After a few hours, I was in the middle of the damn sea on a huge boat. Break. I smoked a joint, which I got paid for anyway in my hourly rate. A passing parrot threw me a parchment with a summons. I was to report to Portal 9.69 the next day. I thought I was still in a phase, but I seriously got into the university for monks XDXD I quit that job. YOLO XDDDD

Monks are old geezers with beards who acquire knowledge from ancient masters in monasteries. They acquired knowledge from a great Sims diamond and wrote it down on parchment. XD They produce Gin from the highest quality ingredients and come up with new recipes. Their alter ego sells Special Gin in the forest (because they live in forests), which allows you to become a Lord, but to obtain it you have to sacrifice your entire family income and transfer it to them in the form of a Ledger with Bitcoin. They know all the memes from Breaking Bad due to their interest in chemistry and woke culture production. Due to their large reserves of creativity, which they must demonstrate when creating new Gin flavors, they often walk around stoned at 420. Besides work, they have a great connection with nature and meditate on the Raccoons' meadows. They have no families because they are geniuses in their field and don't bathe. They work all day long. They were ordinary residents of Raccoonpolis, but they got a Sims diamond and found meaning in Gin production. They opened a startup, financed by Venture Capital from the State budget, and it turned into a huge alcohol business.

Often confused with Herbalists, with whom they closely cooperate. In ancient books (I read e-books because they're easier to hold), it is written that their first meeting and closeness took place in the meadows during the Student Camp at one of the Raccoon Universities - Hoexford University. During evening parties in dormitories, each of them walked barefoot, ate only green vegetables, and stimulated their creativity with a large amount of magical substances. Initially, they came up with a model of a great computer that was supposed to revolutionize the whole world — "Pear". However, after hours of discussion, they moved on to alcohol production. Before the Sims diamond arrived in Raccoonpolis, production was not going very well. However, now we know what happened. They realized they could help each other and went from wannabe entrepreneurs carrying crates full of Gin on their backs all day to outstanding Raccoon Corp. employees, making a thick profit from it. However, as we know - only the Alchemists benefited from the advantages of this drink, simultaneously taking on better positions.

I set off on a journey. It was generally enjoyable. On the train, a nice, petite blonde approached me with the question, 'Are you from Tennessee? Because you’re the only ten I see'. I got stressed. I changed my seat. We reached the border. Border control. The blonde exits in front of me. But looking at her suitcase, I could just stay. In my head, I was already a Giga Chad in Lisbon.

If you don't drink Gin beforehand, Portals are radioactive places for you (Gin neutralizes radioactivity). So I did. Surrounded by hordes of Cyborgs, to prevent unauthorized crossings. There is a huge control of people who want to cross the borders, but all you need is a passport, and I have one, to be able to get to the world you want to reach in peace. There are also work visas for Raccoon Corp. employees. As part of such an employee's package, there is also a discount for one-time vacations in one of the Parallel Worlds.

Ahead of us was a big metal block. Surrounded by Cyborgs holding long guns. I enter first to show off. I am greeted by a guard. He asks for identification. Slightly stressed, I take out my leather, brown wallet. My childhood photo falls out of it. The blonde looks. She raises it. OSHIT.EXE. She says I was a cute kid. The guard looks at me with pity. He probably understood what I feel. He mentioned something about my fake military experience to gain respect and let me go further. OOO, NEELS, WE KNOW EACH OTHER FROM THE ARMY. YOU WERE THE ONE WHO SCREWED ALL THOSE ASSES AND THEN HELPED THE DOGS XDD. Profit. But I remembered about Maugosha and left. Second approach to Patrick Bateman from American Psycho.

They invited me to a special, dark, cramped room for a personal inspection. Earlier, I had to hand over all my belongings. I didn't take much, I guess they have everything in the monasteries, at least that's what I assumed. A few documents, paperwork, and two pairs of underwear to last for eight weeks. I stand. In front of me stands him — a two-meter colossus in a sleeveless shirt, with a bulletproof vest around his neck, and camouflage pants with a huge, fabric belt with a holster, hugging his waist.

I heard in the corridor that before me was a woman who was stopped for inspection. Apparently, after the inspection, everyone left the room angry. It turned out that the woman wanted to smuggle a HALF-METER GECKO abroad XDD. Everything was supposedly fine, but after checking the cameras, they found someone else in the room. They found a new law of physics. The bigger the ass, the more watches you can carry in one go.

His face during my inspection didn't look friendly. And that face is the last moment I remember. I woke up on the other side of the portal already. A bathtub filled with ice wasn't pleasant, but it helped numb the pain. I started to look around. I found a note - "Don't move, call the medics." There was a cell phone on the table. I dialed the emergency number.

I told the dispatcher about my situation. As if she had heard the story at least 10 times, she asked if there wasn't a tube sticking out of my lower back. Scared, I started to feel around, and indeed — OH SHIT. She informed me that someone most likely stole my kidney. After this event, Mindfulness hit me hard, and I remembered Dave's speech. Great, I was starting a new life. Although it was a life without a kidney. I headed towards the destination indicated on the invitation.

The sun had set. I was already tired from the journey, hoping for a moment of rest. I appeared in the middle of a huge, lush Asian jungle, and in front of me appeared 1000 stairs. WHO THE HELL INVENTED A CLIMB TO THE MONASTERY AND A CABLE CAR NEXT TO IT, BUT ONLY FOR TOURISTS AND FAMILIES. I went in. I noticed a small old raccoon with an enormously long and gray beard, dressed in purple monk robes. He introduced himself as Grand Lord Smallus Fallus. He started talking about Nirvana and life calling.

We went together to a huge building. A hall the size of at least a salmon warehouse, looked like I had torn it out of those old Chinese drawings. Huge facades with balconies and a big yin-yang in the middle intensified the effect of the power of this place. We stood in the middle on some green mat for exercises. Around us were bamboo and katanas. From the balcony above, we must have looked like ants or at least rats. He made sure I was one of the recruits. As a sign of being called, he asked to show me my belly button. Wrapped inside meant a calling and the ability to gather food. GUESS WHAT XDD. I went with him to the locker room, memories from the gym came back. I put on red traditional robes.

We went out to the square. Hundreds of Raccoons repeated the moves of the master standing in front of them. They killed me with their gaze. I sweated. Gin from the portal still held, but in such moments, a man would want more. Dave's words came back. I couldn't give up, I was already so far. The Anti-Horny Monastery was the place I needed.

The master handed me a leaflet, listing everything I need to learn and prepare for. It was so complex that it was hard for me to hold it. Again, shit in my ass. I put on the robe. We went through 99 spring meditations by Sister Anastasia. Finally, I found my internal peace.

Meditation made me find myself on the edge of my own consciousness. Breathing exercises, combined with realizing my own thoughts, are better than many Raves in Raccoonpolis clubs. I felt like I was seeing my whole life and my self from a third-person perspective. Just like in an RPG game. Maugosha stopped mattering - it was just me, my thoughts, and my swamp. Breath getting calmer. I saw white flowers everywhere, green, slightly swaying grass, and the sun shining with its rays between the needles of pine trees smelling like Christmas. The pressure getting lower. I felt Openminded. I began to experience the greatest win of my life. From a fisherman to a monk without a kidney. Suddenly a bang. I got pissed off. It turned out that one of the monks was video calling his wife and fell into a vase of bamboo when he found out that his kid was playing Yourscraft on Raccoon maps. His wife even bought him a 3D figurine with the likeness of his favorite character. So much money down the drain. You could buy new robes and a herbalist set for relaxation instead, and all this was like blood in the sand.

Every day we wake up in the morning. 4:00 is definitely too early for me. Lack of coffee is killing me. I'm afraid to get up in the morning, afraid of the day, every morning I'm afraid to open my eyes, afraid of the dawn, I have no idea what to do with the coming day. I just can't. I have some duties, but after all - emptiness, as if it didn't matter whether I get up or not, whether I do something or not (damn), hygiene, eating, work, eating, work, meditations, exercises, work, smoking, pills, sleep. (Damn it, damn it). I'm extremely exhausted, and yet it's morning. It's just a Day of the Madman.

Everything changed when I did something other than meaningless cramming for exams. I woke up. The green walls of the dorm room remind me of nature. I look at it completely differently now. I feel as if it's a part of me. Not even the smoke from Raccoon Corp. bothers me — Steampunk is indeed the key to the development of societies. Getting out of bed, to the desk, to review the notes for the upcoming exam - I heard voices. It was my roommate. Dennis was checking if I was already asleep.

His bed covered with pictures and posters of half-naked girls and handwritten notes looked completely different than mine. I live in peace, in synergy with nature. Every morning I make the bed and arrange the pillows so that everything fits into an aesthetic whole, everything is arranged and has its place. Perfectionism has taken over too much. The voices were getting louder. They obviously came from the surrounding rooms. Wrapped in a blue blanket, I went out into the hallway.

I felt light, as if in a movie about teenagers going to university to party, although my mission looked more like I was a Raccoon FBI Agent. At least that's what it initially seemed to me. Huge wooden fittings in the corridors, showcasing blue shades and images integrated into them, were very impressive. I approached the door of room 417. The door was ajar. I eavesdropped.

It turned out that Dennis and his friends are interested in something more than studying for the next exams and partying. IT TURNS OUT THAT IN THE EVENINGS, THEY HOBBYISTICALLY MAKE METHAMPHETAMINE XD. Finally something interesting. Contact with nature has reached a definitely higher level.

I looked at my reflection, sitting under the door on the corridor. I didn't say a word, although my euphoria reached its zenith. The only light that illuminated me came from oil lamps laid along the floor. When they left, the only thing that accompanied me for the next two hours of immobility was the sound of the fridge and the ticking of the clock. My thoughts still lingered on that conversation.

I woke up finally satisfied, after classes I planned to talk to them. HOWEVER, THE WORLD HAS A BIT OF MERCY FOR ME.

I struck a deal with them for a bottle of macash gin. Now I felt like a fulfilled student. The meditations began to gain visualization — I saw myself as a great entrepreneur who walks on meadows every morning and enjoys the beauty of the surrounding nature. Daily meetings in the room and the basement factory, full of glass, scales, and money became a mandatory point of my journey into my own self. I finally began to actively participate in student life. I passed every exam, although it didn't only end at exams. It turned out I'm just like everyone else. Apparently, perfect grades don't come from studying alone. You need something to support yourself.

Although thanks to this, I deepened my knowledge of how Gin is made. Its journey begins in the clean, crystal-clear waters of the Raccoon oceans. Collected by sanitary flawless tankers, it is transported to the very heart of Raccoon Corp., to undergo particularly stringent quality controls. At the same time, in the Raccoon fields, cultivated for generations by the strength of their own hands and knowledge, aromatic and refreshing lime and lemon, full of juices, are harvested. Glistening in the sun, by wagons they are delivered to warehouses located in the Raccoon mountains, to preserve their pristine freshness as long as possible. In these warehouses, you can also find juniper, adding a pleasant, yet sharp and refreshing aroma, harmoniously complementing the citrus. It would be simple if that were the end of the lesson, but it's impossible not to mention the flowers from the meadows, where I meditate the most. It is from here that the classic and delicate finish is obtained, combining the whole with irises. The breath and soul of rosemary complete the unique experience of our gin. However, learning is constantly changing, because the best of us work on improving the form of the product itself, to be of the highest quality. How good it is to learn with support. The credit card is already slightly worn and begins to accumulate a white coating. I probably shouldn't go back to the city.

Even now I feel like I could draw a perpetual motion machine by myself or release some huge Coin based on Solana. Life has become beautiful. Mastermind is what I wanted, knowledge has no limits — especially when I complement it all with a half-liter bottle of Gin. I'm slowly getting ready for bed, soon we will all compete for a place on the Board of Lords. I need to prepare mighty.